North America: One Memorial, Two Weddings, and One Death

The General Plan - Places & People

As you may know, Tim and I are focused on visiting all seven continents during our trip. Including North America, one of the seven. We are also deeply familiar with North America, at least the USA since it is our home. So there was the original question of how to travel to it.

When planning this spring, we knew that we needed to be back for two weddings, both best friends of mine. This was the trip – get back for one July 14 wedding and another August 2 (or so). That was the plan literally until a week before we left.

And then our beautiful plan started to evolve. (Stay flexible, right?!) My grandfather’s memorial was rescheduled for the weekend between the two original weddings. Then the first wedding got moved, freeing up time for us to hang out in Tanzania – but then having another event to come back to the US later in the Fall. Then my cousin got engaged and booked her venue the week after the second wedding.

Suddenly we had two weddings and one memorial service – on back-to-back weekends. Then we adopted this adorable kitten Paka and stayed in Tanzania 10 days after our intended return date. We’d done the research for travel in Japan, which changed to the Indochina Peninsula (Vietnam and Cambodia). And suddenly we were on a tight schedule of arriving, transitioning Paka to live at Tim’s parent’s house (as new people and environment), unpacking, going to these events, repacking for 4 months of travel, and flying to Cambodia. All in less than a month. Sound crazy? It was!

What we ended up doing:

• Friday: Arrive at night from Tanzania to NY
• Saturday: Celebrate some 30th birthdays with good friends
• Sunday: Sit down
• Monday - Thursday: Drive 2.5 hours to Tim’s parents’ house, introduce the cat to them, help her adjust in a new place, drive back to my parent’s house to pack for the Midwest
• Friday: Fly to Minneapolis, MN
• Saturday: Grandpa Tom’s Memorial Service in Minneapolis
• Sunday – Tuesday: Hang out with Family
• Friday - Sunday: Attend best friend’s wedding in Wisconsin
• Monday – Thurs: Pack for cousin’s wedding and 4 months of travel, visit Paka and Tim’s parents to help with the transition (and help us adjust to traveling without her)
• Friday – Sunday: Attend cousin’s wedding in Austin, TX
• Monday: Quick layover in San Francisco
• Tues: Fly to Cambodia
• Wednesday: I got word that a family friend died on Tuesday night in California

It was hectic. Tim met 40+ people from my life between family and friends – he’s such a good trooper! It was fun and a whirlwind. There were so many people we were originally going to see before our schedule shifted and we acquired the kitten. A road trip was in the works, along with connecting with folks in SF, NY, and the Southwest. All that fell through in our hectic month. We are grateful for what we did, and I was incredibly glad to show Tim all my family in Minnesota – a second home for me. He got to meet family and friends that I had been telling him about for years.

A Family Friend’s Passing

One bittersweet thing. When I moved to San Francisco in 2010 with AmeriCorps, my mom introduced me to Rich Juelis, a friend of hers from middle school. When I moved back in 2012, he would regularly get lunch with me to see how I was doing. We built a friendship and would always hang out when my mom was in town. Frankly, he felt like another uncle I could call if I needed anything. Once he even watched my car for a month when I was back East for the holidays! On my last night living in San Francisco in June 2019, my mom, Rich and I went out to dinner. We had an immense amount of fun and got quite drunk. It was all laughs for hours.

Earlier this year Rich was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I found out before we were leaving in May and we planned to visit SF so I could say goodbye. When we weren’t going to do the full road trip, we built in the 48-hour layover in San Francisco to see him. He and I had been emailing about it and we were excited to reconnect, and for him to meet Tim. Unfortunately, he was too sick to see me. He passed away the following day, on Tuesday night, after we were in the air to Singapore. I’m actually writing this post from Cambodia on Aug 30, so I’ve had some time to process his death. I have lit several incense sticks in Buddhist temples in his name for his spirit (the religious and spiritual sites in this part of the world). Nonetheless, he was a good human and will be missed by those he knew – including our family.

A Whirlwind

Our North American time had lots of celebration and remembering all built into a quick handful of weeks. All in all, it was two weddings and two life reflection/memorial moments. It felt like bookends, with a little new kitten thrown in the middle! It included some funny moments. Everyone taking photos with our little penguin Peggy. Family pitching us on eloping abroad – one uncle was really excited to attend our zoom wedding from Antarctica! (No, we are not going to have a zoom wedding, but appreciate the enthusiasm.)

Nonetheless, it was an incredible and crazy and reflective month. It made me grateful for the constellation of support from friends and family that I have. And grateful for Tim, as he met so many new people. Grateful for Tim’s parents, who quickly agreed to take care of Paka for 6 months while we continue traveling. Grateful for my situation and the life I can lead, and the adventures I’ve chosen to tackle. Just generally grateful for exactly where I am now.

Here’s what we did in a series of days and moments:

New York – Birthday Celebrations in NYC & Dropping Paka with the Grandparents (Tim’s Parents)

Moments:

• Tim and his friends turn 30 this year, and he planned to meet up with them when we were in NY on a specific date, as one lives in Boston. Of course, while the weekend stayed the same, our arrival date was pushed back due to Paka. I also had an overdue hang-out with my best friend Anna, which we realized could work on that Saturday night. We each did dinner with our respective humans and then combined forces (and friends) at Hana Makgeolli a Korean rice wine bar. It was a treat and a nice “normal” evening after international travel and before lots of domestic travel.

• On the way home from errands on Saturday morning, I picked up some cat toys for Paka. We could not find any in Tanzania, so walking into an entire store just for pets was amazing. The toys I bought included a fabric multi-colored tunnel. Paka already loved running through circular tunnels in the form of my foam roller. I was going to continue traveling with the foam roller, and she would outgrow it. Plus I wanted her to have toys that she was familiar with for when she was left with Tim’s parents. I figured it would help with the transition. At first, she was nervous and found it to be big and intimidating…

• While in White Plains, we hired a teenager down the street to watch Paka while we were in NYC. Paka hadn’t been alone for more than a handful of hours since we started taking care of her, and was in a new place. We wanted to make sure she was not scared by herself. The neighbor ended up playing with her very well, and Paka slept on her lap. This neighbor also got Paka to enjoy playing with the pop-up tunnel. By the time we got back, Paka was running through it!
• When getting to Tim’s parent’s house, Tim’s dad Ray immediately started playing with Paka. And he really played with Paka - more so than we were doing, given our energy from traveling. She quickly realized that her playful “attack mode” was best with Ray! Tim’s mom Mary became a solid napping spot for Paka also. We helped coax Paka onto Mary’s lap for the first time for her to sleep, and by the time we left Paka would find her way there independently!

• Tim’s parents hosted my parents for dinner, allowing them to meet one another for the first time! (My parent’s lake house is 45 minutes away from Tim’s parents, but with COVID we had not felt comfortable before this summer pulling everyone together.) We shared a bit about our trip with everyone, chatted, and also watched Paka do her thing. Tim’s parents cooked an amazing meal for us and we had a great time.

Minnesota – Grandpa Tom’s Memorial & All the Family

• Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning were all family events.
• Friday night included the folks staying at Loring Green - the apartment building my grand aunt and uncle currently live and in the same building I grew up visiting my grandmother. It felt deeply familiar in some lovely ways.
• On Friday night, we saw my Grand Aunt Emily, the person who had inspired my interest in Tanzania. In Dar Es Salaam, we had gotten her, my dad, and me all matching aprons made from Kitenge fabric. It was incredible to watch her open it and get excited. She lived in Tanzania for 3 years in the 1960s through a teaching exchange program after college. Her stories inspired me to want to visit and hike Kilimanjaro. It was incredible to connect with her again now that we share the context of Tanzania.
• Saturday morning included breakfast with Xan, my dad’s best friend’s daughter who is also my good friend. Our fathers met in 4th grade, and we’ve been friends since birth, so she’s more like family. She is also the first non-DC friend to meet Tim, back in November 2019. We had gotten Ethiopian food together during her visit. It was great to see her and catch up!

• Saturday afternoon was a whirlwind of my extended family at the memorial. We gathered at the Lake of the Isles, outside of the house my grandfather had raised my dad and his siblings in. It was a nice day. My dad and his siblings each shared memories of my grandfather.

• After the memorial at the lake, we went to Loring Green. We took a huge group photo of all the Nammachers present, which was quite fun!
• Saturday evening was quiet, as we wound down with dinner with my cousins Greg and Liz at a Tapas place. It was nice to catch up more deeply with them in the middle of everything.
• Sunday was brunch with family, along with a walk around Lake Harriet.

• Monday included some hangout time with Greg, Liz, and their kids Katherine and Caleb (their daughter Katherine is another Katherine Nammacher). Caleb showed me his finger knittings. Katherine chatted with me about school and friends.
• Tim, Katherine, Caleb and I walked to Lake Harriet. Katherine, Caleb, and I climbed a large tree. Then Tim, Caleb, and I made origami cranes. There was a statue with instructions for how to fold a crane, step by step. None of us had made one before, and we were able to fold it from the instructions. It was super fun!

• I ended up helping Grand Uncle Mark and Grand Aunt Mary Kay with some technical challenges they had recently come across, which was the Monday afternoon project.
• Tuesday evening was a lovely dinner with my cousin Margot! Great to hear about her college adventures and career aspirations!

• Thursday was a full-day visit with my cousin Jenna and Andy. Jenna is the cousin who is closest in age to me on both my dad’s and mom’s side, so we were often the cool kids hanging out when growing up. She has four kids and lives on a working farm in Wisconsin, so it was a treat to spend so much time catching up with her. I also had not spent time with her younger kids due to COVID, so it was fun to meet them more properly. The kids were big fans of Peggy, our stuffed animal penguin. They did not fully grasp why we (adults) would have a stuffed animal. When it came time for some naps, we also had Peggy go to sleep too.
• After the kids went to sleep, Jenna, Andy (her husband), Tim and I chatted about current events. We have varied political viewpoints, so it was fun to explore where we overlap and differ!

Wisconsin – Best Friend John (and Kaitlin)’s Wedding

The wedding took place on Kaitlin’s family’s farm in Wisconsin - a working farm. It was a dairy farm until recently when Katilin’s parents switched to growing grains instead. The ceremony was outside on a hill overlooking their fields. This meant that the rehearsal, groom’s party hang out, and ceremony happened at the house. It was very cool to meet Kaitlin’s family and see their space.

• The rehearsal was done with a bright blue sky, a perfect setting. The pastor was really funny about breaking up any nerves we had about the ceremony.
• The welcome dinner happened in Menomonie, the large nearby college town. One thing that I had forgotten about weddings of long-term friends is that you end up seeing all the people that person is connected to - whom I’ve met and really enjoyed getting to know. I also was able to hang out with the good friends who we had in common, including Daria, Danny, and Katherine - all living in California now. Plus the folks I connected with when staying with John in grad school and beyond. It was just super fun to see this community, as we had been missing ours when traveling.
• As part of the groom’s party, I met many folks at the bachelor party in Montana - both John’s brothers and his good friends. Of course, the morning of the wedding we got back together. We took side-by-sides, essentially four-wheelers, and drove them to a bar for drinks and tabs. You pay $1 for a cardboard sheet with tabs that you pull open - hoping to win $1-$500. One of the guys there immediately won $500!
• I drove down and back with Kaitlin’s dad, which was great. It meant we were navigating there. On the way back, I drove the car. With him in the passenger seat, he told me how fast to go (including how fast I could go…) which was really fun. It started raining and so I was slightly slipping as we went around corners. Looking at him nervously, he just said “that is what this vehicle is made for. You are doing great!” It was a good connection!
• Micah (John’s childhood best friend), John, and I ended up walking up the hill together to the ceremony - after all the guests arrived and were seated. The wedding party procession to get there. The wedding was indeed happening. And the three of us were chatting. I do not even remember what we were chatting about, just thinking “wow, this is happening. John is getting married.” John has been super excited to marry Kaitlin, and it felt as natural as anything. Yet, it still felt surreal that we were all growing up. Adults get married, and adults own houses and have pets. I’d known John and Micah since I moved to the Bay - all of us single and before we were truly adults, just 23. Now Micah is married, John is about to get married (in the next 30 minutes), and I am doing an 8-month trip with my life partner. It was such a reality shift, between where we were when we were 23 and where we are now that we have all grown up. And that was just incredible to think about - how it felt like so long ago and just yesterday.

• John and Kaitlin did an incredible first dance. They have been taking dance lessons and you can tell in their style and connection. Afterward, as other people filtered onto the floor, Tim says immediately to me “we should take dance lessons!”
• In Wisconsin, between the ceremony and reception, the wedding party stops at a bar. Totally unplanned and spontaneous. Gets beers and cheese curds. Drops in for 20 minutes or so. Then goes to the reception. It’s tradition. And we did it. It was so fun and just also really chill to have this incredible midway stop for everyone there. Really quite cool.
• Again, the fun of your best friend getting married is that you know a fair amount of people at the wedding to celebrate with. Dancing, eating, chatting, and being merry. It was so fun to celebrate this momentous occasion with them - the energy and fun were palatable.
• Tim and I (mostly Tim) smoked cigars with John and his family - brothers and parents - on the back deck. It was a celebration and needed a cigar.
• The reception ended with a sparkler train for the bride and groom. Then we piled into the bus to the first after-party - at a bar. By this time, everyone on the bus felt like family. There was a polaroid camera there too. John’s sister-in-law, Kate, arrived at my table with a cider for me. It was just really nice and felt like a good moment.

A Quick Moment to Pack

We had 4 days to repack for our next segment: Asia and New Zealand. We would be traveling for 4 months in two very different climates during this time. It was back to measuring the weight of our bags (carry-on and checked bag combined) and debating what is essential and not!

Texas – Cousin Kristin (and Will)’s Wedding

• We flew down with my parents on Friday afternoon - with our 2-hour flight delayed by 2 hours. We almost missed the welcome dinner and frantically changed at my cousin Matt’s house nearby.
• Friday night was a welcome dinner for everyone and wedding festivities. Many aunts and uncles were very curious about our trip - as we had been gone for two months. Cousins mentioned they were following along on Instagram. We talked about Paka, of course, and Kilimanjaro and the safari. It was crazy to tell people what we’d done, as it did not feel real in those moments either.
• We reconnected with my cousin Kristin’s other side, the Kulpinskis, who are a group of adventurous travelers themselves. Her dad’s dad, Chris, gave us some great life advice to keep yourself feeling young and excited through what you do and how you do it. He has gone skydiving with his grandkids, showing them that aging is a fact but does not have to be a drab thing. Diane, Kristin’s aunt, had been to New Zealand several years before and reminded us of the benefits of traveling light and buying everything there - especially given the wool industry in New Zealand.
• Many aunts and uncles pitched us on eloping abroad! One even said, “a zoom wedding from South America would be fun!” (We aren’t going to elope abroad, but it was hilarious!)
• It felt good to see my cousins and family two different weekends in a row. It felt like a more continuous hangout - seeing them twice in two weeks, something that I’d literally never done because of the distance between NY and Minnesota. We got to pick up conversations left off from the short memorial and dive into one another’s lives a bit more. It was lovely.
• Saturday morning brought another exciting visit - one with Rukshana, one of my best friends in high school. As soon as I got a driver’s license, I spent most days after school at her house. She has two older brothers and two stepsisters (one younger and one older), along with her dad and stepmother. They all felt like my extended family, and it was truly a second home. Now she’s married with two kids, and we had not seen each other in 8 years. It was so lovely to connect again for the morning and just hang out. She also married her older brother’s best friend, whom I know from when they were all in a band. So it felt like a little White Plains reunion. She got to meet Tim and I got to meet her kids. It was great.

• The wedding itself was lovely. The officiant spoke of knowing both Kristin and Will very well and had co-founded a church with Will. He shared prayers they each had for their marriage, which they each wrote. The wedding felt very much like theirs, which was great.
• Afterward, the wedding party took photos, and our family (the Nammachers with the Kulpinskis also around) got lots of photos of our family with the wedding photographers. In fact, several people had to come to ask our family to go inside and sit down for the next bunch of wedding activities. When you get Nammachers in a room, both lots of laughs and lots of herding cats happen!

• My parents, Tim, and I took a collection of photographs together - both goofy and serious. It was so much fun to do that all dressed up. So we loved it!
• At the reception, we chatted and danced with our family. Sanjay, my cousin Jake’s girlfriend, gave us lots of SE Asia recommendations, which was so kind! It was also great to meet her at the memorial, and connect again at the wedding.
• My dad, a family friend, and Uncle Mike were outside smoking cigars, which I took a couple of puffs of (with plenty of coughing involved!)
• At the end of the night, I walked home with Aunt Sue and Uncle Bob, the parents of the bride, cousin Kristin. Tim had left earlier when he did not feel well, and I was going to walk home solo. Another aunt insisted that I walk with other folks, so they volunteered. Even in those 10-15 minutes, it was lovely to catch up after all this and just chat in the summer evening.
• The next morning was MY PARENTS’ 40th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. We went out to breakfast with them at a place in town and chatted with them. They shared a couple of pieces of advice for what they attributed to helping them stay together:
  • Continue to have fun together
  • Forgive each other, or as my mother says “don’t serve last night’s argument up for this morning’s breakfast”
  • Even if you are frustrated/angry with the other person, still support them and help them (including helping them to search for lost glasses)
  • And several other smart things that I am forgetting at this moment…

San Francisco, California – A quick layover

• We arrived exhausted but feeling good about staying a day in San Francisco.
• We got dinner both nights with Scott, whom we were staying with - another best friend of mine. I got to see many close friends during this month, and I’m truly grateful for that!
• On Monday we did a variety of errands to prep for our trip. It felt oddly comforting running around the Bay Area to places and stores I was deeply familiar with.
• We stopped by the painted ladies, as we are officially tourists! We took photos with Peggy and the painted ladies, soaking up the cooler SF temperatures before Southeast Asia.